He fits them together in sunshine or rain Each one is unique, no two are the same

Bonniut mangetout,
What a thoroughly lovely week/ten days I've just had the pleasure of.  Well the start of it wasn't exactly a pleasure, but it was an experience.  Having successfully negotiated my way through a torturous training regime, I got my hands on a much coveted Ironman medal by swimming 2 miles in open water then jumping on a crotch destroying bicycle for 112 miles of quad burning road racing and the jogging a casual a marathon to finish off the day.  Its something I vow I will never put my body through again, its never let me down and i think its earned a little rest for a while, i put it through quite a lot, not just training for this but abusing it with booze, various nefarious substances, cigarettes and terrible sustenance.  So as a little thank-you to the Taffsuit il be treating him with some nice good food and a full break from nicotine and of course it wont need to process any booze for a while, and maybe some sunshine and relaxation in the not too distance as well.
Then of course this weekend was a very good friends 30th birthday celebrations which promised so much and delivered every ounce.  It is always a pleasure meeting up with such a good group of friends, especially as we only see each other every 6 months or so, and as a nice change it was a WAGs weekend at the races.  So not only did I get to spend some time in the company of the best friends a boyo could have but was also treated to the excellent company of their fantastic wives and girlfriends, and, if there is one thing that makes me happier than being around friends, its seeing friends happy.
Onward and upward and to save my brain from anything strenuous this week (treating the Tmatter to a rest as well) I shall continue my Taffs top Tens with something I feel very strongly about.
I've said it before but spending three years in University studying films has ruined movie watching for me.  If there is anything that will put you off films its having to watch them again and again trying to pick out small details and tricks and then sitting around in small sweaty rooms with pretentious arty types and discussing the artistic merit and nuances in Free Willy.  But I did graduate didnt I, with very little effort, so I feel more than entitled to discuss this in fact im more than qualified to appear on the big breakfast as an 'expert'.

Taffys Top Ten Most Overrated Movies of all Time ever!


10.

Why does everybody love fight club? Three reasons, number one: Ed Norton, one of Hollywoods' most talented actors.  Number two: Brad Pitt, one of Hollywoods' most profitable actors.  Number three: Just enough anti consumerist, why my life sucks, im unappreciated quotes from the original book to make every moronic teenage boy spaff his pants and every film student lord it up like it was Plato.  It isn't.  Its a dead pretty film to look at but if you think about without the stars we wouldn't be backing this non-runner, the story line is terrible and actually very offensive to a lot of religions and ethnicities.
TRY THIS INSTEAD:  SE7EN; Equally good cast, even prettier, better twist/ending.

09.

This isn't a slate on any single James Bond, nor any single James Bond film.  But the further on we go the more over rated they are becoming.  For the amount of money that's now being spent on them they need to much more than just ten, ten minute car chases with four explosions and 2 fist fights.  I vote for either a return to the classic blokey Bond of  Sean Connery or show us something completely different.  FYI I studied with a guy who wrote literally every essay on Bond, all based around his 'conspiracy' theory that James Bond wasn't just one man, but a code name secret agencies gave to many spies, he also enjoyed talking about it... in length.
TRY THIS INSTEAD; The Bourne Trilogy, storyline develops over three films, good characters and Mat Damon 'rocking ass'

8.

Do you remember Blade Runner?  Off of the 80? It was when Harrison Ford was insane famous, and Ridley Scott was still King of Hollywood.  The original totally tanked at the cinemas, not just because it was against ET and Tron but because it was banking on serious visual effects to carry it home, ET made it look like a shit cartoon.
TRY THIS INSTEAD; Total Recall, this is 80s cheese at its best, the effect are terrible, the soundtrack is terrible and Scwartzeneger is as wooden as a Christmas gift in Troy, but it doesnt try to be anything else.

7.

Oh my oh my. Three times I tried to watching Inception, three times I fell asleep.  This is the absolute peak of style over substance.  You cant blame Leo for taking the pay packet on this bad boy.  But its soo pretty as a film that they forgot to plug the 18,000 holes in the plotlines
TRY THIS INSTEAD; Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, if you can allow for all the singing this is even more beautifully made and the story is actually dead gripping.

6.

Awww part me really hates putting Forrest Gump in here, at least he didnt make the top five.  But not only is long sentimental bullshit that made a fortune by selling us the Nostalgia of AIDS, Vietnam, The Black Panthers, Institutional Racism and terrible clothes.  Its not that this is a terrible film, but all films that run to the drum beat of 'Give Us An OSCAR'
TRY THESE INSTEAD; I am Sam, The Green Mile: the first is better, the second is a better repairing of Speilberg and Hanks.

5.

GAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAY TopGun is GAY.
TRY THIS INSTEAD; Memphis Belle, true story based on flying things, no baby oil, bum slapping or intimate moMANts

4.

No one man is ever gonna make a whole career of Ghostbusters quality entertainment.  Lost in Translation is critically acclaimed, but these are people that have been payed to watch this movie, I am a people that has to pay to watch movies.  It is soo long and soooo slow the visual 'masterpiece' scenes are soo emotionally taxing they make you not care at all about the characters or their unmoving relationship.  He was excellent in Zombieland though.

TRY THIS INSTEAD; Jack, Soffia Coppolas daddy made a few mean films like the Godfathers, she could have learned a lot if he'd made her watch Jack, Robin Williams is great as a boy who ages four times faster than normal its moving emotional and not at all self pitying.  Nice one franckie!

3.

Highest grossing film of all time. Inflation

Most visually stunning film of all time.  The first one that was released that had access to the effects.

Avatar was 15 years in the making and its not even the best James Cameron film.  Dont get me wrong it is visually incredible, especially in the 3D, but looking back through the list a good looking film doesnt make for time well spent, please entertain me with some form of story.

TRY THIS INSTEAD; For 3d... Alice in Wonderland, UP.

2.

You know those films that are so bad they are good... this is not one of those films.  I know nothing about ballet I don't pretend too, but I do know that three hours spent watching this is three hours of the biggest waste of life currently available.  I sat in a cinema with the ex (we didn't split up because of this film btw :/) and all I can tell you for certain is that I had a Baskin Robbins and at one point you nearly see what Mila Kunis pays the bills with aside from that I personally recommend instead of ever subjecting yourself to this film you continuously hit yourself in the face with fruits of varying sizes and consistency, its just as arty and more colorful and less painful.
TRY THIS INSTEAD; like ballet films? Billy Elliot. Like Mila Kunis' boobies? Forgetting Sarah Marshall then.

1.

I racked my brain to figure out a time when Id felt more violently mind bummed than the time I watched Black Swan, I couldn't think of one.  The reason Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind can rank as a level equal with the Swan is because it is the last film that I will ever buy on the advice of somebody that studies TV film, its the dvd I bought because someone used words like evocative and beautifully poetic to describe. Cue total toss that people who think they are arty and creative but have never bothered to pick up a book or listen to a story or fall in love themselves.  You want me to buy into the relationship between these characters but I cant, not least because Jim Carrey is an awful choice for this movie as is Winslet, a quirky hair dye cannot convince me to buy into her.  The narrative is terrible and the director never lets you see a scene for long enough to buy into it.  The story has soo much potential for could have been a truly astounding couple of hours of film, but it ranks up there with Jim Carreys other 'serious' works such as The Number 23.  If it wasnt for the Legions of film students picking up the dvd to sit on bean bags in coffee shops not buying anything because its too commercial then this would long have been consigned to the bargain bin at your local Blockbusters.
TRY THIS INSTEAD;  Love Liza; Phillip Seymour Hoffmans wife commits suicide, he struggles to deal with, dangerously weird and on the verge of being really pretentious the acting saves this film and really makes it emotional to watch.


Enjoy watching/not watching these films chaps, i know some of you enjoy tweeting me/texting me/ emailing to let me know how wrong I am about these things, and I do enjoy reading them.  Im not wrong, I scarcely am.

Also someone said this week they miss the pictures and the musics, and, someone else said I should put more of my own snaps up, it is how i pay my bills, after all not all of us were blessed with what Mila Kunis has.  So I will, I'll always caption them with something like a time and place or subject so you know.  Be kind as I wont be putting up my favorite stuff cos Im saving it all in case I can sell it rather than putting it into the public domain for zero pounds profit.

'Street Muffin', Caerdydd, 19.07.12, so sad

'F-laya girls' Marja and Martins star wars wedding, 30.06.12

 

Listen to this!

See the luck Ive had, can make a good man, turn bad

Hia,
This week Ive been mostly struggling to keep any food/fluid inside my body.  I had the norovirus, one of the benefits of having three lovely godchildren/nephews who all get ill at the same time and need to be looked after is that you can basically guarantee that when one gets ill the other two will quickly follow and as soon as you think its all clear thats when it hits the grown ups.
This illness has its blessings and its curses, I managed to avoid chocolate eggs (as well as every other type of solid food) and ive dropped about 11lbs this week, on the downside tho its already cost me a weeks worth of training, and two football matches and the muscle wastage has set me a month back on the road to #Flexoff fitness.
That aside it has led to delicious amounts of bedtime, generally watching movies or rediscovering my love of computer gametime.
Anyways in homage to my week of doing nothing I present to you "the best movies youve probably never seen!"  This came about last night while I was sitting around with some friends running through a list of brilliant movies Id been viewing over the week and a lot of them slipped under the radar.  For once I feel like im writing about something I have the authority to write about (I studied films in uni didnt i).
So heres a little list, if any of them take your fancy do have a watch, im sure youl be pleasently surprised.

"the best movies youve probably never seen!" 

1)   Caddyshack, 1980.
Directed by Harold Ramis (egon off of ghostbusters!)  It had Bill Murray and Chevy Chase in it.  Its basically a well 80's saucy comedy romp around a golf course focused on a caddy that works at a posh course to pay for college tuition.  Its laugh out loud funny even today, I hadnt seen for about 10 years but its full of classic murray/chase belly laughs and childish innuendo.  Actually its worth watching just for the gopher alone.
"You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollers the hard way?"

2)  I am Sam (2001)
This is an absolute belter that somehow missed a few people on the way, Sean Penn got a best actor nomination for the aa.  Its about Sam, a guy with learning difficulties, whos a single father to a young Dakota Fanning, the mum has aboandoned them and when fannings mental age surpasses her fathers she taken into custody.  He then get Michelle Pfeifer (who a big hotshot lawyer) to defend him in court to get him back.  Anyway during the court hearing he realises he's not fit to be a single father and breaks down, its a tear jerker, but it comes with a satisfying ending.
"Sometimes they're bald because their head is shiny and they don't have hair on it. So their head is just more of their face"

3)  See no hear evil, Hear no evil (1989)
Another 80s cracker!  Its got 80's stallwarts Gene Wilder and Richard prior in it, they play a deaf man and a blind man respectivly who become friends.  Between them they witness a murder, become prime suspects and clear their names.  Its generally good, if slightly un-pc comedy from off of the 80s.!
"Today I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection!"

4)  Teachers (1984)
Its got Nick Nolte, its got ralph maccio its even got morgan freeman!
Its about a teacher who gets into trouble with after its revealed that one of the schools graduates is illiterate.  Its a bit more of a feel good film, but by no means a comedy.  Why its worth a watch???? nolte makes an excellently bedraggled teacher!
"Just what the hell are you guys running here, a g**d*** zoo? I'm in the middle of a fundraiser breakfast when I'm informed that your school psychologist has flipped out in the middle of your g**d*** office. And, then I get here and find out that there has been a stabbing, and if that's not enough, one of your kids tries to eat one of your g**d*** teachers."

5)  Megamind (2010)
It was only a couple of years old but Megamind slipped under the radar a bit, probably because of toy story 3 and other big animations that year.
But this is a beast of a film, for old and young.  Its dreamworks, it got will ferrell, brad pitt, jonah hill, tina fey AND its all about superheros!!
Well, Ferrell is Megamind a super genius villian who finally defeats his arch nemesis Metroman, but then gets bored with life as evil overlord and starts a relationship with Fey (in a very Lois/Clark situation).  Anyways, its laugh out loud funny from start to finish and Will Ferrell voice lends itself soooooo well to cartoons, im gutted i missed this in 3d in cinemas.
"Where did you park the invisible car...? "

6)  Leaving Las Vegas (1995)
The number of people I have spoken to who havent seen this film is incredible its easily Nicolas Cages' best ever performance, and, its got Elisabeth Shue (boobs out in Cocktail!?)  Its a rom-dram about Cage who plays a struggling writer whos alcoholic who sells everything he owns and goes to las vegas to drink himself to death, he meets a hardened hooker in Shue and forms a strange relationship.  here's where uni pays off...its filmed on 16m not like normal films which are 32m, it makes it look all arty farty but because its biographical its far more than an arty crappy film its entertaining enlightening and inspiring.

"We both know that I'm a drunk. And I know you are a hooker. I hope you understand that I am a person who is totally at ease with that. Which is not to say that I'm indifferent or I don't care, I do. It simple means that I trust and accept your judgment."
7) One hour Photo (2002)
did you know Robin Williams had a life after Mrs Doubtfire?  I did. This is one of his best, not zany or wacky in any way, in fact not funny, not comedy, but disturbing drama about a guy who works in film developing who becomes slowly obsessed with a family whose pictures he develops.  Its quite scary and itl definatly leave an impression on you!
"Pretend it's all pretend"

8)  Se7en (1995)
Everybody and their mum has seen fight club, but before fight club was Se7en, psycological horror thriller which sees Brad Pitt a rookie homicide detective to Morgan Freemans retiring vet.  Theyre hunting down Kevin Spacey who is John Doe killing people with the theme of the seven deadly sins.  Also look out for Gwyneth Paltrow doing her best ever acting in the final scene of the movie.
"Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention"

9)  7 Pounds (2008)
Will Smith films very rarely slip under the radar but due to 'the pursuit of happyness' this one did.  Its hard to explain the plot without giving too much away, but its all based around Smiths characters mission to improve the lives of 7 people.... Not to be confused with the above film, they're different!
" I did something really bad once and I'm never gonna be the same!"

10)  Airheads (1994)
Brendan Frasier, Steve Bushemi, Adam Sandler (when he used to be funny).  A rock band (The Lone Rangers!) are struggling to break it big so they decide to break into a radio station and force them to play their demo tape, queue rock and roll based physical comedy and lolling all over the floor at Sandler inept drummer Pip.
"Well, there's three of you. You're not exactly lone. Shouldn't you be the Three Rangers!"

Thats 10....
I do hope you give them all or at least one of them a watch.  i personally recommend doing a google search for movies2k then searching for the above films, a bit naughty but then itl cost you nothing to see these genius flicks.
Honourable mentions have got to go to...Dogma, Clerks, Detroit rock city, all of the national lampoon films with chevy chase, Baseketball, 48 hours, another 48 hours, Ladder 49, Beerfest, The Blind Side and Memphis Belle.
Spend some time on the sofa cuddled up with someone in fits of laughter, grips of fear or floods of tears, it really is the best way to spend an evening!
If you have any suggestions for me please do let me know, im always on the look out for films to pass the time between food and sleep!
Heres your lovlies and some musacs!!!

wiggle dancings