“The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depend
upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living
happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of
wisdom.”
Here's a little titbit for you my little titbits...
In 1997 a gentleman called Billie Harrell was living just outside Houston, Texas where he worked nights in a local supermarket as a shelf stacker. That was until he won $31,000,000 on the state lottery. Harrell was a deeply religious man who had struggled his whole life to pay his mortgage and put food on the table for his wife and two children, until in July of that year he received a check for $1.25 million, the first of 25 checks he would receive yearly. He bought a ranch, some horses and put away enough money for his kids education. He donated to his church and payed of debts and mortgages for his whole family. Two checks later in 1999 he locked himself in the study of his house, put a shotgun to his chest and pulled the trigger, The last thing he said to his best friend, 'winning the lottery is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.'
Christopher Reeve was born in 1952 to a wealthy family in
New York. Chisel-jawed and good-looking, the young Reeve split his time between
Ivy League schools in the US and traipsing around Europe. In 1978, Reeve scored
the role of Superman in a big-budget Hollywood movie about the superhero. He
earned millions and became one of the most recognizable celebrities in the
world.
Reeve made a fortune. He spent that fortune on nice houses,
nice cars, luxurious parties and a newfound passion for riding horses.
Then in 1995, Reeve fell off a horse and cracked two
vertebrae in his spine. He would never walk or breath on his own again.
Reeve became an advocate for the disabled and spent the rest
of his life fundraising for spinal cord research. He was the first celebrity
supporter of stem cell research. Reeve later claimed that his accident helped
him “appreciate life more.” It wasn't a joke. He noted that there were
“able-bodied people more paralyzed than I am,” and once remarked, “I can laugh.
I can love. I am a very lucky guy.”
Happiness is a perplexing topic to delve into, especially for a blog.
Don Draper of Mad Men fame stated in one of the series’
final episodes that the definition of happiness is “the moment before you need
more happiness.” As cynical as it is, the brilliance of this line lies in the
fact that we rarely notice happiness while we’re experiencing it, we only
notice a lack of it once it’s gone.
I think as people we massively over estimate the value of things we dont have, especially those of us that are particularly materialistic, while also over estimating the pain and feeling associated with losing things that we do have. It works in reverse as well, we think the happiness of aquiring something will be far greater feeling than remaining without it, I mean if you really really want the new iphone, is the pleasure of having it really going to be that much greater than the pain of not?
So before I ruin your day, and maybe throw a little controversy into the mix, by releasing my converted opinions upon thee, lets just clarify, everyone is hard wired this way, its how we choose to live our lives that ultimately derives how happy or unhappy we are at any given moment.
You are a terrible judge of what does and does not make you happy, and also remembering what did. Odds are those horrid times you had in school weren't that bad and those amazing times drunk with your friends weren't that good. There are times in your life that you remember being unhappy that are greatly exaggerated (of course there are exceptions, I know a couple of things in my life that were a really bad fit). The secret to being truly happy, I have found, contentment, that is having what you could describe as a 'baseline' of happiness, and, more importantly being able to recognize it. New cars, higher paid jobs, pretty shiny trinkets all fall by the wayside when you can return to your baseline.
My baseline is very simple, I have a modest income, the people that are important to me are healthy and remain a large part of my life, I have enough physical health to allow me to participate in sports, I regularly meet new people and the bbc continue to make exceptional additions to the Dr Who franchise.
I would share my wisdom with you and make you a little happier if you would read on...
Life is a big map, on your map there are vast amounts of destinations, some destinations are better than others some are downright awful. When we are young we have people emphasize how important it is to reach a certain destination faster than everyone else.
For me its not about how fast we get there or even about the places we go through to get there, its all about having control of how I get there.
You have to be responsible for everything in your life. You may not be responsible for things happening to you, but you can be responsible for how you react to it. You cant change your circumstances untill you understand that you control them. Stop saying why are these things happening to me and start saying what shall I do about it.
Drastic changes dont work, small changes add up. So set yourself small attainable goals. Every small victory inches your happy a little bit further.
Stop seeking external validation from other people and things. This includes making people think you are successful or popular or better off and culminates in the coveting of things that other people have that you perceive to be 'perfect'. I know several people who I dont think will ever be happy because they put so much emphasis on things that other people have and do, that they want.
There are a lot of things that you can do to get yourself some internal validation. Im of the opinion there is no such thing as a self less act. But there are enough things in the world to provide in infinite amount of validation without relying on the constant ego boost of stuff. I learnt the difference between need and want, I dont spend my time or money on anything or anyone that isn't important to me, anymore.
I dont claim to be perfect, but I have found some happyness, I dont mind sharing it and my rules for finding it, they're only sixfold.
1) Take only what you need.
2) Do what you love... as much as you can
3) Instead of surrounding yourself with material shit, surround yourself with good people.
4) There is no conversation that you cannot drop the comment "Roads?? Where we're going we dont need roads"
5) Do not be relentless in the pursuit of success in any walk of life, but, be relentless in assisting others to achieve.
6) Life is simple... stop over analyzing it
There you go, a little glimpse of what makes us tick. Remember small changes make big differences, I hope you all find your happy baseline. Its a shame that some people wont be able to.
Here's some niceness that might help though!!!
Big plans afoot over the next month or so, I'll update you all when theyre undoubtedly laid to waste
