I bring these gift for you (a-ru-pa-pum-pum)

So this is Christmas, I hope you have fun, another year over, a new one just begun.
I fucking love Christmas, I'm not ashamed to say I am literally like a little child, the decorations, the chocolates, the actual food and of course the presents!!!!
Now I ve never been someone that is very good at receiving presents, I think its because I never really got anything that anyone has put any actual thought into.  In my family its ask for something or get nothing, and, Ive always felt so guilty about asking for what I actually want, I always just end up saying 'oh i dont need anything,' and thus i end up with M and S boxers and Lynx gift sets.  Bad times.
But, even if I do say so myself I am a good gift giver, its not difficult, even people who are the most difficult to buy for can be made easy if you just listen to them for ten minutes something will give away something good to get them.  My ability to buy gifts has led to me becoming a font of knowledge for friends and family alike in terms of me being a walking suggestion box for gift ideas.  With this in mind I thought Id bring to you a little guide to whats available out there, for boys for girls for parents, partners and siblings here a few select items that will hit the Christmas magic strings on the morning of December 25th for your loved ones.

FOR HIM

Now, boys are very different to girls, obviously.  Our expectations for gifts are very low, we've grown into men believing that a pair of novelty socks a packet of sweets and an Andy Mcnab book are the best we can hope for, they are not, ladies pay heed to the following.

1: Smelly Stuff

Us metro sexuals really do like smellies, we do not like 3.99 sales shower gel and deodorant sets.

Prada Infusion d homme, is the best.  Its a manly blend of sandlewood and citrus. If its for your fella then you too will enjoy sniffing his manly gubbins for the cold months to come

(Infusion d homme £35 per 50ml, Boots)

2: Entertainment

Not just for your significant other, for your dad, your brother or uncle knobhead, a DVD boxset is a great gift and is worth hundreds of hours and entertainment (and peace and quiet for you)

Choose a manly one though, no Sex and the City.

(Sopranos boxset, £40 Tesco)

3: Ethically Correct

You might want to tread with care with this type of present, for myself I would love something like this, but there are certain type of people who wouldn't appreciate the gift of something for someone or something else, theyd be an arse to have a grump over the turkey about it though so go ahead, my recommendation:

(Adopt a penguin, £19.99, IWOOT.com)

4; Gadgets

Having testosterone in our bodies automatically means two things, firstly we enjoy cooking food over fire, secondly we loves a gadget.  From the earliest man carving tools from limestone to the swiss army who specialise in being very neutral while making exception quality knives with attached bottle openers boys love stuff.  Here's some stuff;

(Wireless Charge Station, £42 Currys)

This little beaut is a wireless charge station.  Iphones, blackberrys, generic mp3 players, games controllers it does them all.  Just plug this little plate in and op it on your bedside table, you then just place your gadget on top and it charges.  BOOM MAN MAGIC!

5; Funstuff

Musical Socks, novelty drinking games, handkercheifs with saucy captions on them, these all have something in common, they are anti-LOL.  Men are just boys boys on the inside we like getting muddy, jumping in puddles and teasing girls.  Check these adult size bounce suits, a bit expensive but if another couple comes over for dinner itl keep the fellas busy!!

(BumpSuits £69 www.prezzybox.com)

6;  Uber-nerd?

For the man in your life that is a secret 4 year old on the inside this amazing gadget is a magic wand, that you can program, to be a remote, for anything!!!!! £44.99 from firebox!!

FOR HER:

Alright gents, I know your pain.  Need to buy a present for girl right?  Guess what... they dont like screwdriver sets and any sexy undies you buy for her is going to be an absolute minefield of size and sexyness issues (on the plus side the girls that work in la Senza are always FAF).  But follow these simple rules and you shall not disappoint the lady you love this festive period.

1: Smelly Stuff 

Just like the first heading for the boys right...wrong.  Although fragrance is a good gift it is again a minefield, she might appreciate you going off piste from whats normally on the dressing table, but, she is unlikely to appreciate your choice of Channelle Houghtons misty scent or Jordans latest stench.  If you insist on odors  buy designer.  Whats much safer and simpler?  Try something a bit different to scent, Chanel nail varnish available from Boots and it comes in a pack of three so you are three times more likely to get a color she likes!  You might resent paying £15 for a tiny pot of what is essentially paint, but she'll love them.

(Chanel nail varnish £45, 3 pack, Boots)

2;  Entertainment

Just like the boys again right??  Nearly right, stick to the more effeminent side of the entertainment, Id stay away from Sex and the City again though, not because she doesnt like it, but, she already has it. 

(Pride and Predjudice, £4.99, Play.com)

3;  All that glitters IS gold

This maybe a massive generalisation, chicks love sparkles.  In particular diamonds.  It doesnt have to be big and bolshy, but if it twinkles itl be well received.  HSamuel have some excellent options at prices that wont put you in the poor house.

Diamond and silver, 'the kiss', HSamuel £49.99

4; Outright soppyness

Sometimes outright soppyness is just the ticket... For the hopeless romantic there are two different varients of soppyness.  There is romance that is affordable and there is the other type, the type that you are going to need to plan in advance and save up for...

(Name a star deluxe, £29.99, prezzybox.com)

Prezzybox deluxe name a star kit comes with all the gear to name a star something unbelivably cute/romantic and it comes with a nice ebony frame so its not just a box of papers.

(weekend break in Paris, around £299+)

When it comes to downright going for it you have two options, a break in Paris, the romance capital of Europe.  Or a break in New York, the romance capital of the World.  Since the both of these require some prior planning (at least they do if your budget doesnt stretch to private jets) Id say Paris is the better option.  Of course if your settled, married and fairly secure in the knowledge that you will be together when the time for hollybobs comes along then by all means plump for NYC, I recommend NYE.

5;  Secretly beneficial to you

Here are two facts for you to keep in mind;

A- One 50g portion of chocolate is enough to raise a persons mood by 100%

B- A woman is 60% more likely to be 'in the mood' if she has an above average body temperature.

(Hotel Chocolat, £4.99)

(John Lewis £8.99)

There you go world, that's all I can be bothered to write...  The rules are clear people, put a little thought into your gifts and make this Christmas that little bit more special for someone you love this year.

I go now to figure out to color in my Christmas jumper with glitter for my Christmas party on saturday... all ideas welcome.

Heres some treats for eyes.

And here is some festive treats for your ears.

Il rock you all in the new year.  

So from me TO YOU i really do hope youve had a magical year and Christmas brings you everything you could possibly want and more. 

Lots of Love and Festive frolics from the land of Taff

xxxo

I could have been someone.

ay ay festive pie.
So this is christmas, I hope you had fun.
Today I shall mostly be giving you my thoughts on festivities my plans for 2012 and saying a very delighted good bye to 2011, the worst year ever.

So christmas then, I've always very much enjoyed christmas, despite its checkered past in my family its a time when I get to see everyone I love, there brilliant stuff on the telly and nobody casts judgement on you for stuffing your gullet at every single opportunity, in fact as I sit here now supping on my red stag and just nibbling through a turkey sandwich (my secret is to use chicken liver pate instead of butter) I'm contemplating what I could maybe eat next, theres still a lot of pringles and chocolate left not to mention a massive trifle that hasnt been touched.
Not everyone likes christmas, I dont know if youve ever tried the christmas alone thing, making yourself a cheese sandwich on christmas day, sitting in a freezing cold flat watching great expectations on a shitty old telly, I have, and its sure to suck the festive cheer right out of your baubles.  But my advice is that christmas is like anything in life, if you throw yourself into it with 100% both feet first then you will get out of it what you throw in, as much as you want.  If you can commit yourself to what it takes to travel and see the people you really want to to smile and laugh with the closest of friends and family then you shall be rewarded with all the christmas spirit you can handle.
This rang true for me this year when on arriving home on christmas morning with a small hangover and exhausted after a five hour drive I was met by my mum and sister who said 'we know youve had a bit of a bad year, and you always get lumbered with crappy presents, so we've treated you a bit this year.' and they had, they pooled their resources and combined their knowledge to collaberate on the best haul of gifts I've EVER had, EVER, they got me a Tomtom, 3 onesies, Sopranos boxset, life size dalek, fifa 12, xbox kinect and games, mousetrap, mr frosty, babes of hollyoaks calender, loads of lush stuff, olly murs album, a pillow that plugs into an ipod, ghd straighteners and a massive gummi bear as big as my head.  Im not really that into presents, probably cos ive never been given any good ones, but i feel like my christmas karma came good and rewarded me for a positive outlook, that combined with the most brilliant alexander mcqueen heavy festive knit I got made for an intense haul of presents.  And thats the point walking round grumpy because everyone else is happy is a sure fire way to spoil you own life, just enjoy the fact that you have people around you who are happy to see you and want to have a drink or a meal with you and you will reap your own rewards.

So 2011 is on its last legs, and all I can say is good riddance, what a shit year all round, I dont know a single person that has had a good 2011, it was shit.  Here's some things I learnt this year.

• Not celebrating your birthday doesnt make it disappear, you simply lose the opportunity to ever celebrate it.
• Giving up drinking isnt worth it
• Giving up smoking on the orders of someone else will never work.
• There are people in this world who bring you down in order to make themselves feel better, these people are the worst kind of human being.
• I am in the twilight of my football days, Ive lost the competitive edge that ever brought me any sucess.
• I will never again have a boss
• I will never again allow people with an alternate motive into my life
• Holidays arent always relaxing
• The north of england is a cold shithole
• Live music is as good today as its ever been

So goodbye 2011, as you leave us forever I wont be sad, if I could go back in time and offer my younger self the chance to relive 2011 or simply lose the year completly my advice would be to skip it, get on with your life and cut the knobs and the neverminds out (facebook cull recently complete, 86 people gone)

With 2012 ahead I'm looking into my future and thinking about what I want to achieve, then I realise Im not an utter dickbag and to set myself targets for achievment is like setting a small jack russell into the cockpit of spitfire, its a cute idea but will ultimatly be worth nothing.
With that in mind  I do have a small 'to do' section for 2012, here tis...

Taffs 2012 "TO DO" list

Birfday partaaaaaaay (Cardiff, january 21st, all welcome)
Do the whole London touristy thing (been there loads but never done the tourist thing)
Flexoff football
rubgy 7's
mayball
summer bum around, beaching and boozing
I would like to go jamaica (itl be the last place on my to visit list once im back from New York)
one weekend per month will be spent visiting friends or family, list to be made
Katy Perry/Rihanna/Jodie Marsh/Helen Skelton

Thats it from me for this year then twonkers.  Im off to pack my bag and jet off to the city that never sleeps where I'll hopefully be taking in some sights, eating some serious food and passing some holiday time with someone that actually bring something to the table.  I wont be back untill the new year so I'll offer you all my best wishes now.  Oh and dont go moaning that New Years Eve was rubbish, cos we all know now that its rubbish every year, how ever if you happen to be in Times Square give me a shout and we'll toast the holidays.

Good bye blogitches, i heart you all, apart from the ones I dont, you know who you are, I wish you harm. xxxo mutha hubbards