And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back, so shake it off

Happy new year lidlickers,
As promised today I will just be giving you a quick rundown of the last week, then I will be off to bed, early yes, and Ive been there all day anyways, I never really had a jetlag before but atm I feel like Ive been awake for days.
So as I said before I was lucky enough to spend the end of 2011 in the city that never sleeps, the big apple, new york new york.  I've always wanted to go there around christmas time in the snow and ice and party like its 1999 in times square, we weren't lucky enough to find any snow and the weather was actually okay but we did manage everything else.  Here is the story of my fairytale of New York.

27th December 2011
Arrival at the the very posh new residence of my new travel twin miss Eleri (the appetite) Howells in the uber trendy Maida Vale, as usual I was up early and got there bright eyed and bushy tailed for about 10am to be greeted by what can only be described as what looked like a hungover make up caked Tina Turner tribute act.  Not in any way ready for 5 days in the USA the next 2 hours were spent frantically throwing random items of unsuitable clothing into a barbie suitcase while I sat watching christmas music and gloating about my thorough prep.
After a quick dash, a coffee at pret and no delays we're in spacious seat on AA ready for 8 hours of snoozy flytime.  AA was mint the plane was heave ho but it was spacious and tres comfortable, they fed us and gave us an ipad to watch movies on! Rise of the Planet of the Apes and The Green Hornet were our choices and very good they were, Apes was actually awesome!  Those things, a little sleep and a bit of ipod time and the hours had flown by as we set down in JFK.
Time change into the equasion and we had actually set down and cabbed up right in the middle of rush hour which was intense, but the driver assured us it was only about 20% of what was normally on the road cos everyone was 'slacking off' for the holidays.  $50 later we pull up at the tres plush Four Seasons in Manhatten.  Hotels of the UK take note the americans do it waaaaaay better, hotel had a masssssssive bar, posh snob restaurante, spa thingy and the whole thing was draped in christmas, from the huge tree in the hall to the mulled wine and cookies on reception.  After the very nice lady had offered us every kind of upgrade at a 'very competitive' price we actually got into our original room, which was more than adequate (minibar!)
Now its only about 730 est but the appetite is claiming severe jetlag (read hangover) and hunger so Im in charge of arranging food while she explores the bath.  Room service is off, due to the fact the posh restaurante is in full flow but the same very helpful reception lady told me everywhere local delivers and gave me a few menus.  For those of you that dont know Maccys delivers stateside! Its the same stuff tho. Big Mac, tele, bed.

(hotel view, right between Park Av and 5th Av)

28th December 2011
Actually got up for breakfast, 'The Appetite' made sure of it.  UK hotels take note Americans do it better!  I had immense poached eggs on muffin and enough juice cocktails to float a sunken battleship, the appetite lives up to her name with blueberry porridge and a whole basket of fresh donuts! I cannot stress how much of a theme this is going to become.


(fresh donuts Four Seasons breakfast)





Breakfast featured incredible 'pink power' in systematically planning out the rest of the day, just to make sure we got to do everything that we both wanted.
First out of the hotel door was the journey to see the iconic Statue of Liberty and more interesting Ellis Island.
The Statue is exactly what youd expect a big bloody bird with loads of people floating around her with cameras, Ellis island was waaaaay more interesting, Basically its where the US stopped immigrants that were flocking in so they could make sure they werent carrying anything nasty and then during the war they kept undesirables there to be deported.  The tour was really interesting and there was loads of interactive bits (mainly for kiddies, but plenty of fun for hyper welshies).  The highlight of this expedition tho was without a doubt the views from the ferry crossing.  The clear weather meant we got an awesome view of the bridge and the island featuring the iconic skyline.

As we headed back to the mainland it was approaching lunchtime, Els had only managed the massive breakfast and a traffic cone full of popcorn so far, so the belly was rumbling.  I often find on occasions such as this it is wise to bow to the requests of the lady, we offed to Katz Deli back in Manhatten for our luncheon.
American food is like nothing Ive ever seen, Katz' is so popular, if you ever seen the queue outside a newly opened subway or a Krispy Kreme it happens here everyday, without fail.  So popular is it after standing in line for 20 mins you get a little ticket and then do a school canteen style walk through the different stations to grab your food, bare in mind this is just a deli, they do sandwiches and hotdogs not much else.  Its also where they filmed that bit from When Harry met Sally.  See below the pastrami sammich I went for and the beef sub Els had, we shared fries and a massive plate of pickles that was immense.

(I didnt, but the Apple Snapple was a taste sensation)

(ample sammichness for any one man, note pickles, yummers)

Stuffed and lathargic my energy levels were troughing but the ever excitable Miss Howells had a full tank of petrol so we were due a wander around central park, which was decided to be a simple cut through, full exploration at a later date.  On the suggestion of the Cains we found out that the 'toyshop from big' was FAO Shwartz and it wasnt far from our hotel so we went there.
If I had to compare it to something its a bit like Hamleys only massiver with insane stuff that nobody would actually buy.  There were lifesize stuffed animals (giraffes!) the step on piano from the movie (only $250,000) for me the must see are the make your own muppet station and the huuuuuge sweetshop, which turned over some good dollar from us.
Then we bundled up the road to Macy's (the worlds largest department store) which was exactly that, but the sales were on and I managed to pick up a couple of Lacoste polo shirts for just over $50 dollars (£22 each!) cheeky bonus.

(Barbie table football, cheap)

(Macys, throwing christmas down your throat for five generations)

By the time we'd got out of Macys the sun had said farewell to the manhatten skyline and so we drudged the two 'blocks' back to the digs.
The Cains second suggestion for the fairytale of New York was to take in a show on broadway and on discovering the Four Seasons offered a ticket booking service the only arguement of the trip began...Spiderman or Jersey Boys (I was plumping for Jersey Boys) we decided on Spiderman after the threat of burning my onesie in a sleepwear bonfire made me crumble like rivita.
A nap and a night out on the town featuring spiderman, delicious.
The show I thought was a little disappointing, for me, it was like watching a live action rubbish cartoon with dancing instead of fighting, plus I hate U2.  However I was assured we were more than lucky to even get tickets and as my traveltwin turned into an excitable, hyper (still hungry) 11 year old boy it was fun enough.
After the show we took some travel tips about some trendy wendy bars to hit and devoured a few cheeky cocktails, note to UK cocktail bars, the Americans do it better! A little worse for wear we stumbled home, greeted the friendly doorman, snatched a few cookies from the dwindling foyer supply and sacked in prep for a cosmo induced headache.

Santiago Margarita



Cosmo innit

29th December 2011
Boom first New York style hangover.  Breakfast was not for me, not even the appetite could muster up the gusto to venture down stairs, although upon discovering the donut basket was available on room service it was little surprise when one rocked up, I did sample and can totes understand how you could put away a whole load. 
It was afternoon by the time the cobwebs had been shifted and the decision to leave the casual wander around central park came to make sense.
Central Park is like everything in America, vast. its truly massive, ive never seen a park like it. Everything you can imagine from hills to trees to ponds to paths. 
Of course due to the company we took in some local delights, obvs hotdogs bit of ice cream (despite the fact it was pretty cold) and tho the temptation to put on some ice skates and break a few bones was strong I managed to resist.

(central park skatings)

A good long adenture around central made for an easy day after the previous, and we'd booked into mega poshness restaurante in the hotel that evening, dress code and everything.
Back to the digs again, for us to both sift through our bags to find suitable attire for ultimate poshness.  But as, some of you may know, I am not posh, Eleri is not posh, twas a confusing time for us both.  I plumped for one of my bargain lacoste polos underneath a light knit and the appetite plumped for a sparkly glitter ball dress.  We were okay for dinner despite a few glancing looks from the citys suited and booted we flew through three courses of what I thought was delicious but was described by a certain travel companion as 'food that may as well be served on sticks.'  I had some fishcakey things, an egg and spinach tart and a toffee apple swiss roll sort of deal.
As a relaxing end to the day we had a little stroll looking at the christmassy things around the block.  Twas very nice.  The wine with dinner was exceptional and led to a mini bar gin and tonic binge upon re rooming.  I hate gin.

(big christmas baubles?!?!?)

(Exceptional crimbo tree)

30th December 2011
We made breakfast again! despite the gin taste still lingering in my mouth I opted for a winter berry porridge which was immense and mouth looking a little worse for wear was grounded in cereal land.
Today was a bit of a muddle, as no plans had been made, we still wanted to go to the natural history museum and I still wanted to go to New Jersey, but we also needed to sort out some new clobber for New Years Eve and one of us was insistant on finding somewhere to get their hair done as it had become "uncontrolable" (actually not me this time :))
It was decided that this was priority, and lovely hotel recptionist number 3 pointed us in the direction of her friends salon which was a brisk half hour walk.  On the way to which it was happily decided that I didnt have to wait for the bouffant to be tamed, I was to off an explore and occupy myself for an hour or two to avoid making myself a nuisance and awkwardly making jokes. Having already decided that I would be doing a bit of shopping and probably finding a bar and sampling some more great american hospitality, we did come a cropper tho as I had no phone on me so I was only trusted with an hour to make myself busy, not to be trusted with Els iphone, my reputation preceeds me.
I had a dull little wander back down Park avenue, which is home to all those amazing shops that youd love to be able to shop in but simply dont have the money to, where people are employed to stand inside and open the door for you.  Took a scenic route back to the salon, never good at directions and spotted this little beaut en route...

Met the freshly pampered and now happier lady and of course ventured back to the Condom Kingdom, which was exactly as advertised, basically loads of jonnys and other assorted items of an intimate nature.
As we approached lunchtime the regular feeling someone was about to start sniffing out the nearest grill was sneaking in.  'Luckily' enough one of us had a nice chat with our hairdresser about where to get some good solid stodgey carb based fodder, and rather unwittingly we had been walking toward it for the last hour or so, what luck!
I cant remember if it was called crips or cribs or something like that but basically was a little cafe that served hotdogs or cheese toasties.  In all fairness I love a hotdog anyways, its always my top choice on fast food menu but this place took it to a new level of hotdoggyness.  They did standard hotdogs, hotdog wrapped in bacon, cheese stuffed dogs, battered dogs all served with any possible array of filling and flavor.  I went for a bacon wrapped dog with mexican salsa and avocado, delic, Els had a cheesy dog with jalepeno and onion relish (someone didnt know what jalepeno was).

they were good, the best hotdog ever some might say, others might not, others might say my mouth is burning like a cheap hookers fanny.  Needless to say the next move was to find a bar for a cold beer to wash the taste of hilarity out.  This is where America comes good.  People generally are friendly and love the fact that tourists have chosen their city to take their breaks.  An amicable group of students sitting at the next table overheard our little chit chat about getting a beer and welcomed us to join them just around the corner at the local watering hole.  I think it could be described as a typical american bar, tables, booths a pool table and a long bar with stools with an array of american beers on tap and in bottles, but with a bit of a british twist, loads of drinks offers!  See below.

As we supped tasty bud ice the hours wasted away explaining to our new friends (and to everyone else from hotel reception to every waiter we encountered) that we weren't honeymooning, we played some pool (7-3 to wales) and chatted the ususual transatlantic blah blah to our hosts (sports, tele, films et al).  The plan had not been to spend all day boozing, the plan had been to see the museum before new years eve, best laid plans go to waste tho, as we became two brits abroad drinking shots and singing along to the jukebox as the kindly americans played all the 'british' songs they could find.  Our new friends were very nice, just the kind of people I would knock around with at home and they enjoyed imparting the knowledge of some american drinking games in exchange for our own.  They were kind enough to invite us out with them that night, and the bar owner was keen for us to return tomorrow (NYE) for the bars 'legendary' pyjama party.  We of course accepted both offers, and after returning to the hotel a little tipsy to get changed for the night we departed to meet them once again for an unsheduled evening on the tiles.
We headed down to the east villiage?!? to a bar called 'Death and Co' which was very trendy, luckily enough I'd popped my Alexander Mcqueen christmas knit and camel chinos on for my most british of looks.  We had to wait to be seated, no standing, and the menu was satisyingly enough cocktail based.
After enjoying a few tequilla and absinthe based numbers we were off again this time to this sports bar come nightclub, where we again wait outside, there was a lot of waiting outside, the jumper came into its own.  As we disco discod the night away thoughts turned to NYE and the booze was taking its toll, it was mutually decided that we would not be out partyed by the Americans and a few light beers later we were victorious as we all went our separate ways.
We cabbed it home  and according to the driver our idea of risking the subway to find our way back may well have been the last stupid decision we'd ever made.
One more great thing about New York, they dont call it the city that never sleeps for no reason.  Its gotta be 5 in the morning yet every street still bustling and restaurants serving anything you want for your drunken scoff are open, no crafy kebab jacket for us, we grabbed some thai noodly stuff and headed back to the hotel to liberate some more delicious cookies from they foyer.

31st December 2011/ 1st January 2012
Boom, New York hangover number two, second to no hangover Id felt in New York before.  We did not make it to breakfast, there wasnt even a shout of door to door donuts, probably because I was trying desperatly to sleep over the noise of wretching and sickness eminating from the bathroom (you can take the girl out of wales).
About 2ish stroked by and there had been little discussion about what to do other than the occasional snore and sputter.  But the obvious had to happen 'i could proper eat one of them hotdogs from yesterday'.  Off we went then, take the 45 minute walk to crib or crips or whatever it was for a repeat of the hotdog sensation, Els had the same, obviously developing a taste for jalepenos, i went for a battered chilli dog, which was again immense, the meal was made all the better by the addition of sweet potato fries, of which i managed to get a few.
As we meandered back toward the hope for a bit more bed we passed loads of people which we eventually discovered on the news were crowds already flocking to Times Square for NYE.  The orinal idea was to rock into times square about 9-10ish party about for a couple of hours then go meet the new friends for the pyjama party, this would have to change.
So little after 5pm in the afternoon wearing little more than matching festive onesies we ventured into the cold.  It is not easy to smuggle champagne and jimbeam into a heavily policed area, let alone wearing just a babygrow, but it had to be acheived just to stave off the cold.  The next 6 hours or so are a mish mash of wandering around, more queues and sharing smuggled hooch with other rebel revellers.  Times Square was intense, it felt like billions of people were there, flash bulbs and tv cameras everywhere and everybody was in great spirits.  It was like being at glasto but times 50.  Bieber and Gaga performed but we were light years away from the stage, and the loudspeakers were drowned out by the screaming of kids and gays (for both acts).  Happy enough in our own little bourbon fuelled dance troop we discoed up to midnight, making our way closer to an exit as the massive ball dropped to signal the new year.  The celebrations at midnight were very american, all screaming all singing all dancing confetti and sparkles.
We made it back to the continetal by 1ish to a cheery welcome, the matching onesies went down a treat and it was nice to be in a warm bar music pumping and drink flowed like the rain in wales.  I didnt get too mashed, the hangover was lingering and the thought of a 9am flight was sickening, it was enough to put us firmly in bed (cookies in tow) by a reasonable 330am ish?!?
It was enough to budget 4 hours sleep before a shower and a cab to the airport, if again we hadnt forgot about the traffic situation... lucky we were to net an understanding traffic savvy cabbie combined with a mad dash through the airport to just make our boarding flight, in retrospect probably shouldve gone for an extra day.  The flight home featured little more than sleeping the occasional grunt to each other to signal thirst/hunger/bladder fullness and some very soft ipod spoken books.
On return I discovered jetlag for the first time, firstly falling asleep mid dominos then not being able to sleep at all for the last two nights.

All in all my fairytale of NewYork was epic.  An adventure in every sense of the word from start to finish.  New York is everything I ever thought it would be and more. Its exciting, not scary but exciting, everyone has a place to be and those who dont are just going with flow enjoying life in the city of cities.  The food was incredible, although I didnt enjoy as much of it as others, and I will say one thing, yes, american portions are large but only because its so yummy, you just demand more and more.  The people are friendly, the staff know a level of service we in the uk can only dream of and the cocktails are well made and prolific.
A hearty four thumbs up from the welshists.

I appreciate this has been a long post, its taken me ages to write it thanks for sticking with me, i'll pop the rest of my photos on fb when I get a chance.  I'll leave you with the onesy and times square as well as the ususual music (its the only song i can remember from NYE.

Oh and just so you know in the coming weeks on this blog:
Trendy diets and me
The birthday review show
Why chivalry is dead and how women killed it.

smell ya later mashed potata